The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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