Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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