I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
