i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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