Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize