i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
