The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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