Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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