'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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