aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
