My brain says no but my pants say off.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
