the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
