there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
