Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize