I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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