I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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