is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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