There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
