i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
