He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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