I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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