I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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