This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
