Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
