do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
