I puked a lego.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize