just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
