4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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