What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize