Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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