My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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