I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
