oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
