Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
