I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
