Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
