she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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