Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
