I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
