I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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