I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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