In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
