North Korea, Best Korea!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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