This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize