Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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