Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
