I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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