I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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