I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hippo gnu deer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
