My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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