fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
