it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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