If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize