im six kinds of drunk right now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
