my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
