I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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