His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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