david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
