I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i love accidental penises.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
