I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
