This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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