You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will pee on everything he values.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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