Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
