if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
