all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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