so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
