i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
