I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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