just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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