she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
