Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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