You work out of a Hotel?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
