after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
