Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
