Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
