the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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