worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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