I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
