i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
