Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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