Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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