What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
