Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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