I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if only i could text you this smell
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
