So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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