Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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