Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
