we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
