I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have demons in me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
