I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
