How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
