Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
