Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
