hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
