my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
