she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
