my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
