I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize