Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
