I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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