how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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