dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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