He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
