I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
