So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
