k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i think i just lost a toe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
