I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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