I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
